When My Job Doesn't Give Me That Warm, Fuzzy Feeling

I have been at my job for a few years now, and I have enjoyed it for most of the time. Lately, every day, I want to jump straight out of our one-story window, Scott Pilgrim-style.
When I first came to my job, I was completely terrified, because my boss moved me up into someone's spot who had just left, and I had no idea how to do it. I had worked there before doing something else and briefly left, only to return, but the new job came with all kinds of responsibilities that I had never had before.
I had to ask a thousand questions, and my coworker gave me a hard time, because she liked the guy who used to work there before I came, and she gave me a little attitude.

On the other hand, I thought that one of my coworkers had the answers to everything, and he always made me laugh.

After being there for a while now, I have learned so much, and I am capable of doing anything I need to do, and don't have to ask for help, except for special cases that might involve calling up our tech support guys.
The same coworker that used to make me laugh all the time, makes me frustrated by his laziness and short-cut-taking, and I feel that way about a lot of my coworkers. It's hard to care about your job when it seems like everyone else just wants to take the easiest way and doesn't care if it's right.

There are also the people who refuse to learn new skills, even though they have been there for 3x as long as I have.
If they have been there for 15 years, I should not know more than them after being there for four.

I've been really frustrated with myself, lately, because I ask myself why I have stuck around so long. I want to have a positive atmosphere at work and enjoy what I'm doing.

I have to remind myself that I WAS happy, until recently, and I've come a long way since I first moved here five years ago, unsure how anything was going to work out.

I can also get pretty grumpy when people keep dropping stuff on my desk, because they refuse to learn how to do it themselves.
They're also cracking down on monitoring everyone way too closely, and our computers now have NO internet access. For company emails, I can't even click on the links they send, because technically we are on production computers, which don't have access. I would have to log onto the ONE computer on the floor which has access to visit them.

And we have to record everything we do in a day on a form, because they want to know how productive people are being. It's driving me crazy, and ever since our company was bought a few years ago, the new owner company has been making these nit-picky changes.

My boss asked me how I felt a couple of months ago, and I we both agreed that there's not much to learn right now. We work within a fairly small location, and people stay for a long time, so there's no room to progress right now.

It's not terrible, I'm not working in some hellscape, it just feels like that sometimes, because I'm frustrated with myself. It's hard to run out of challenges and feel like I'm treading water.
It's not that bad, but I do get stuck in an endless loop of frustration.

The good news is, I plan to take steps and have been taking baby steps towards new things.
At the end of next month, I have the very scary plan to leave my job *knock on wood*, because I'll be going to do some required training for my Guard job for a couple months. After that, I have plans for more learning, which once I set it all in stone, I will let you know.

At this point, I'm so stressed out sometimes, I change my mind about 15 times a day. I just need to hang in there a little longer.
Change is scary, but stagnation is scarier. I want to appreciate what I have, but I don't want to feel like I can't do more. I don't need to be the richest lady in the world, but I want to be able to relate to my coworkers and do things that challenge me.

6 comments:

  1. Oh! This is me right now!!! Well, maybe not exactly, but I've been at my job for 2 years, tried out a few different possibilities for growth, and realized they either aren't there or are not for me (as much as I'd like the intellectual cred, I'm just really not interested in IT work). I talked to my boss this summer about changing my position to a part time contract position (so I can freelance) and he agreed, but asked me to wait until the new year. So even though I know it's coming, it's hard to sit here and wait, and it bothers me that I'm such a terrible employee and have no drive. Every day is a struggle to do anything because I just. don't. care! The difference in our situations is that my coworkers and the company is awesome, but that just makes me feel worse for being such a malcontent.

    Good luck with your job situation! Hang in there - you can get through this and move on to better things!

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  2. who wouldn't feel frustration when a company treats their employees like children? seriously, having to record your every move is fucking bullshit - this is an office FULL OF ADULTS and having to demean them by making them show how productive they are is ridiculous. i get it; they want to measure productivity but that isn't the way to do it.

    no internet access alone would make me quit. i once didn't accept a job offer because they only had their intranet and was running a very very VERY old version of windows that wasn't even networked. hell no.

    and don't even get me started on the lazy shits; although their only purpose is to make you look like a rockstar. i have worked with lazy assholes most of my career and the ONLY way to deal with them is to refuse to do their work. you do it once, they expect it all the time, i swear. this one PM asked me for help (with something he should have known how to do since IT WAS HIS JOB) so when i talked him through it, he says with a straight face "ok great! so when can you have that back to me?" and i legit laughed in his face and said "good one. this is YOUR work and I'M HELPING YOU, don't think that i'm going to do it for you. you know where i sit if you have any more questions" and i walked away. he never pulled that shit on me again.

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  3. I've been at my job for 23 years with the same thought that I'll leave soon... I despise where I work. The people are horrid... but you do what you do for the money.

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  4. stagnation is definitely scary. i am comfortable and happy at my job. but i have had several jobs over the years, and every single job that i have hated started out the same way as yours.. not knowing anything and then knowing pretty much everything and working with people who refuse to change or learn new things, or who are so lazy i do most of their work. my thing is, i just want to come in and do my job, i don't have time for highschool bitchiness, and right now some girls at my work are seriously acting like they are filming the new mean girls. its ridiculous and i want no part of it lol.
    anyway. i'm sorry you don't love it anymore, i hope all goes well with leaving before you do hate it.

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  5. WTMF to the no internet on your computers at all?! That is some serious bullshit, my friend. On the other hand, the dog playing golf GIF is making me laugh so much I'm almost crying.

    I really hope the situations at work get better or that you get to leave before you hate it so much it just makes you look back at the whole time you've been there with serious resentment and disdain. xo

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  6. Ugh... that micromanaging sounds TERRIBLE! The log? No internet whatsoever? Shit.

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